Overwhelmed. You can say that.
Grateful. Everyday.
Amazed. Absolutely.
Faith. Full of it.
Sooo, we're pregnant!!! Our miracle bundle of joy is expected to arrive February 9, 2013. We are so thrilled, to say the least.
But, the story doesn't begin there.
Just like we can't just celebrate Jesus rising on Easter Sunday without reflecting what He did on the cross, we can't just rejoice in our pregnancy without acknowledging what Jesus has done to bring us the gift of this miracle baby.
We have had a few years of trials - taking up our cross and following Jesus. We have walked through some trenches. It's been hard. Really hard. Sept. 30, 2011 marked the beginning of some of my health trials. I'll never forget that day. I'll never forget the pain I felt. I'll never forget the trips in and out of the ER, doctors visits, dozens of tests, medications, surgery... But, more than that, I'll never forget that Jesus was and is ALWAYS with me. He never left my side. He was in the midst of it all. And, I can honestly say,
"His Grace is sufficient for me."
Though I was suffering physically, and many times, I asked God to take it from me, my relationship with Jesus only deepened and my faith only increased.
Post gall bladder surgery (July 2012), we thought my body was healed. Though my overall condition improved, I was still suffering with occasional seizures and digestive issues. I had really hard days. Then, really good days and even weeks. More tests. More doctors visits. No answers. A lot of prayer.
In April, 2013, I felt the sudden urge to take a pregnancy test. I remember my husband laughing like how could it be...
You see - where our hearts were at the time were we really wanted to raise a family. We were SO excited to become parents. But, we wanted my health to be well before we tried and we wanted clearance from our doctor. A couple months before this, I had a doctor's visit. And, at the time, my health was doing pretty well. I asked the doctor if he gave me medical clearance. He said Yes. He saw no reason why he wouldn't give the ok. But, with a couple health setbacks after that apt, Garrett and I didn't feel comfortable yet.
On Saturday, April 6, 2013, we experienced sweetest surprise and the greatest gift, a positive pregnancy test. We were ecstatic. It was a dream come true. I was so in love with our little one to the very depths of my soul. The JOY and anticipation we felt was unexplainable. Our Baby was due December 9, 2013.
On Monday, April 29, we were told the devastating words "there is no heartbeat". I burst into TEARS... It was the only response I had. There are just no words.
The week drug on with constant reminders that our baby was no longer with us. The pains of child bearing are one thing when you get to hold your baby in the end. But, this was just terrible. Our hope remained in knowing our baby was with Jesus. And, in countless ways, The Lord showed us He was with us.
They monitored my HCG levels down to 0 to make sure nothing was left. The last HCG test I had was a 5, anything 5 and below means not pregnant.
There we were - from the fullness of joy that comes with a positive pregnancy test to sorrow and grief. We clung to Jesus and each other. It was all we could do.
And, then, I had that random urge once again to take a pregnancy test. Garrett said "there's no way..."
It was positive!? I sent my Dr. T a message asking if this could be remaining hormones. He said most likely. Yes. But, then as we talked - we realized that my hormones two weeks ago had been down to a 5 (meaning not pregnant). There was no way a pregnancy test was picking that up.
So, he brought me in for an HCG test. Meanwhile, my bible study was in my home and prayed without ceasing for us.
Results came back - it jumped up to 260, then, two days later, 991. We were clearly pregnant!
All the doctors were and are shocked. They have never seen someone get pregnant so soon. Dr. T says he's never seen anything like this. He says,
"There is no way to explain this. It is a complete act of God."
We started getting monitored at four weeks along. That's when our Dr. found a subchronic hemorrhage. In other words, a blood clot, twice the size of the pregnancy sac. This put us at high risk. They call it a "threatened miscarriage".
We were monitored closely and I was put on rest. We and all those around us prayed like crazy for our little one.
At our eight week appointment, my heart was lifted when we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time and we were told that the blood clot was almost gone and no longer a concern. My Dr. said
"Baby looks great. You are no longer high risk. You look great." You can imagine the shouts of acclamation then!!!
I later heard my doctor and the other doctors talking about what a miracle it is that we are pregnant and that our baby survived that clot.
"complete act of God" is what they keep saying.
Here we are, 16 weeks along, healthy baby, healthy Moma and SO INCREDIBLY grateful for our miracle baby from the Lord!
Oh and my health - It's never been better. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't struggled with any health complications. I feel great! I remember a while ago, my Dr. John made a remark that some women who suffer with health complications are healed through pregnancy because of all the healthy hormones. And, when I found out we were pregnant, Dr. John prayed with me over the phone "Lord, we know you know just what Sabrina's body and this baby needs".
I don't know why we have to endure the things we do. But, I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change the deepening of my relationship with Christ. I wouldn't change the increase in my faith. I wouldn't change the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus. With Jesus, NOTHING is wasted. He never leaves us or forsakes us. And,
"His Grace is sufficient for me."
