Thankful for a parasite??

I had no idea what people go through who are exposed to contamination and infectious disease until I experienced it myself.

Did you know that over a billion people worldwide don't have access to clean drinking water?  Approximately half of this vulnerable population is made up of children. This was the introduction to my 2010 support letter for a mission trip to Senegal, West Africa to help replace a failing water pump.

Monday, March 19, 2012, after two years of undiagnosed health complications, I received a call from my doctor diagnosing me with a parasite. This particular parasite is transmitted through contaminated food and water in underdeveloped areas. It is likely that I was infected on a mission trip to Senegal. 

I feel that it's important to note that people are infected with parasites all over the world. Some parasitic diseases can even happen in the United States. I hope that anyone reading this will not fear traveling to other nations as infection and sickness can happen anywhere.

In 2011, four new fountains were input for the
Farar villagers from our fundraising project

We went on this vision mission to Senegal, West Africa to understand the need of Farar villagers. The need was to help these villagers with one of their most basic human needs: fresh water. We left with an understanding that led to a mission to raise funds that would add four fountains to serve the Farar village with drinking water. Understanding the need meant going to SEE. Today, I can FEEL the need with empathy having experienced to some degree the sickness of those infected with a parasite from contaminated food or water. I, however, have access to treatment. Many of those who are infected in undeveloped areas do not.

We all see the commercials and see the pictures asking us to donate to these highly affected areas. Often times, our response is one of the following: denial or desensitize by turning the channel so we don't have to face or feel the reality of their suffering. We much prefer to live in our insulated bubble. Our other response is it must be a scam, where's my money really going? Or, the one I most guilty of, this is such a huge and overwhelming problem, how is my $30 going to make a difference? I'm sharing my story with hope that you won't be paralyzed by these thoughts anymore and will see that anything can help! www.worldvision.org is a great resource to learn about the needs and how you can give. Visit The Clean Water Fund to donate $25.

For the past two years, off and on, especially over the last five months, I have been very sick. Multiple trips to the ER and a several trips to the doctors running test after test, from neurological, cardiac to digestive, trying to find the cause of all my sickening symptoms, showed us very little. All we knew was that I was malnourished, I had an occasional drop in my blood pressure and jump in my white blood cell count. You can see a list with some of my symptoms in the below post titled "trust me". It's been a journey. On Monday, when I got the call with a diagnosis of a parasite, I was relieved. In fact, I repeatedly thanked the doctor. Then, when I got off the phone "thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus, thank you, Jesus!"

A couple doctors have told me that they are not entirely confident that this is all that's going on because a lot of times these parasites are hosted in an already weakened system or they can be the cause other issues. But, I'm hopeful that this is it.

Though this treatment is intense with over 2,500 mg of antibiotics per day that are making me feel very sick, I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I have access to this treatment. I can't imagine what it's like for those who are infected and do not have the resources they need for healing. Yesterday, I received an IV to start replenishing all the vitamins and nutrients I've lost from this parasite. Because my body has gone without this nourishment for so long, it was a system overload. Additionally, the parasite is releasing toxins into me that are also making me feel very ill. 

Despite all of this, in a weird way, I'm thankful for this parasite. This illness has helped shaped who I am today. I would never have the empathy I do today for underdeveloped areas highly affected by infectious disease. I'm excited to see how God wants to use this empathy to help others. Through this process, I've learned that joy is possible in the midst of suffering through thanksgiving. I've learned how important it is to not get bound in fear. I've learned that doctors are humans, not saviors. I made an idol out of my doctors. I kept relying on my doctors to give me an answer, that would give me rest. My trust in Jesus wasn't enough. When doctors couldn't give me a diagnosis my thought was "I knew I couldn't trust them". I went into all of this with a deep rooted distrust of doctors. I had to ask forgiveness for this yesterday from my doctor. At the same time, she asked me for forgiveness as they did not find this sooner and did not know what to do with me. I've learned how to ask for help. And, I've been reminded of how important it is to not suppress things, but to peel back the mask and get real. Sometimes, this sickness really sucks. When people ask how I'm doing, my first instinct is to put on a happy face and blurt out some hyper-spiritual remark like "God has a plan". That's true and all, but sometimes it just hurts. Sometimes, we have to let people in on our sufferings by being real and asking for help.

Here I am back to my favorite verse: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.

Finding peace with no diagnosis

Test after test after test and still no answer. I have been tested for everything from Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis to an auto immune deficiency, epilepsy, tumors, abnormal cardiac rhythm disturbances, to a form of cancer and now, parasites.

Some days, I feel fine (maybe the normal I've come to know) and others I'm swarmed with symptoms that feel debilitating and defeating. As of lately, these symptoms consist of shooting abdominal pains, weakness, dehydration, digestive issues, cramping and frequent belching, tension headaches, fatigue, malnutrition and occasional neurological symptoms. 

When these symptoms go on for days or weeks at a time, my mind starts to wander and I search for peace in finding a diagnosis. There is truth in what Ann Voskamp says in One Thousand Gifts "When you don't have the name for something, you're haunted by the shadows. But, when God names something, He gives value to it."

It's not wrong to want a name or to be an advocate for my health, but it is wrong when I can't find peace with where God has me and search for the answer to give me peace. I said before that I sometimes feel defeated. The defeat isn't in the illness. The defeat is letting Satan into my thoughts and paralyze me from using my current circumstance to serve and advance the Gospel of Jesus. Jesus has already tasted the defeat and won the battle for me.

When the anxiousness of the unknown rises, I need to remember what James 1:2-3 says, "consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

The bible is FULL of verses about suffering to the glory of God. In fact, scripture guarantees that we WILL suffer. The question is do we suffer well? Unfortunately, too often when trials come, I forget to turn to Jesus for comfort and truth resulting in joy. Instead, when they've gone on for what I feel like is too long, I get anxious and search for the way out. 

While doctors are doing their job, I need to do mine by spending more time in the Word and protecting my thoughts.

As 1 Peter 4:12-13 says, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed."