We live up on a ridge where usually you can look out and see over the valley and to the city. I love looking out to open spaces. It makes me breathe deep. But, today all you can see over the valley is a thick layer of fog.
As I was sitting here cozied up with my favorite blanket, an afternoon cup of coffee and reading from one of my favorite authors, I thought about how when we look to what’s next in our lives, it can feel like there’s a layer of fog. Like we can’t quite see where to go or what’s next. Do you ever find yourself asking God to show you the way and tell Him you trust him? But, by show me the way, you mean show me exactly where I’m going. Oh and then confirm for me that I’m going the right way. And, by confirm I mean make it really clear like speak through a burning bush. I can be so annoying. How about, even though I can’t see through the fog, I will trust you and follow you. I know you are there. Sounds much better in theory. I’m getting there.
Today I’m sitting in the fog metaphorically and literally. Yesterday, I came out of a doctors appointment in tears. This appointment was to review results that would tell me if I have an adrenal tumor or not. The answer was not. And, while I’m thankful it’s not. My thanking Jesus didn’t last very long before a cord struck in me and I burst into tears wanting to know why and what to do. It all feels foggy. We have pieces of the puzzle but still don’t understand fully why I’ve had these health flare ups for 8 years that land me in the hospital. Most recently, unconscious for a few minutes. Through my tears, I ask the doctor “what’s next?” He goes on to suggest some more specialists I should see. If you have traveled down the road of health complications, you know how that feels. I could sense his frustration. I’m sure he could sense mine. He said he wished he knew what to do. From the moment I met this doctor, I knew he felt empathy and wanted to get to the bottom of this. I think we both felt a little defeated not having an answer.
I wanted direction, a road map even, something to tell concerned family members. But, I just have to keep pressing on and trusting Jesus. A few minutes after leaving the office, I got a call that they wanted to run some more tests because he suspects something else.
More blood work, more specialists and more tests. But, here’s the thing I keep coming back to - my hope is not in the results, it’s in Jesus. So, while It feels defeating at times. There is no defeat because He has already won the victory. “In this world you WILL have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
As I was sitting here cozied up with my favorite blanket, an afternoon cup of coffee and reading from one of my favorite authors, I thought about how when we look to what’s next in our lives, it can feel like there’s a layer of fog. Like we can’t quite see where to go or what’s next. Do you ever find yourself asking God to show you the way and tell Him you trust him? But, by show me the way, you mean show me exactly where I’m going. Oh and then confirm for me that I’m going the right way. And, by confirm I mean make it really clear like speak through a burning bush. I can be so annoying. How about, even though I can’t see through the fog, I will trust you and follow you. I know you are there. Sounds much better in theory. I’m getting there.
Today I’m sitting in the fog metaphorically and literally. Yesterday, I came out of a doctors appointment in tears. This appointment was to review results that would tell me if I have an adrenal tumor or not. The answer was not. And, while I’m thankful it’s not. My thanking Jesus didn’t last very long before a cord struck in me and I burst into tears wanting to know why and what to do. It all feels foggy. We have pieces of the puzzle but still don’t understand fully why I’ve had these health flare ups for 8 years that land me in the hospital. Most recently, unconscious for a few minutes. Through my tears, I ask the doctor “what’s next?” He goes on to suggest some more specialists I should see. If you have traveled down the road of health complications, you know how that feels. I could sense his frustration. I’m sure he could sense mine. He said he wished he knew what to do. From the moment I met this doctor, I knew he felt empathy and wanted to get to the bottom of this. I think we both felt a little defeated not having an answer.
I wanted direction, a road map even, something to tell concerned family members. But, I just have to keep pressing on and trusting Jesus. A few minutes after leaving the office, I got a call that they wanted to run some more tests because he suspects something else.
More blood work, more specialists and more tests. But, here’s the thing I keep coming back to - my hope is not in the results, it’s in Jesus. So, while It feels defeating at times. There is no defeat because He has already won the victory. “In this world you WILL have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
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