I Humbly Open My Hand

Why is it that I am so quick to grip my fists and try to control all the elements in sight?

As Ann Voskamp says, I want to "humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control.... let go of my own way, let go of my owns fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire. I want to leave the hand open and be. Be at peace."

This is the place where I experience the fullness of joy! I'm thankful for this season of health challenges, where Jesus is continually showing me to let go, release my will, accept His and experience His peace. In every area of life, on a day to day basis, I must be willing to die to my expectations and plans.

What happens when I try and gain control?

• anxiousness
• fear 
• pride

And, when I open my hand to Jesus?

• peace
• freedom 
• JOY in any circumstance
• humility 
• revelation & resolution

What a great exchange!

"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30 

Last week was pretty incredible as Jesus led us to some revelations, possibly linking family genetics and my mom's pregnancy to some of the health symptoms I've experienced. This week I have two tests that will show my neurochemistry. One test will reveal if there's a dis-regulated brain chemistry (which is what my doctor suspects), causing a hyperactivity or suppression in my vagus nerve. The vagus nerve descends from the brain to the digestive system. A hyper activated or suppressed system can cause digestive issues and seizures. One test will also rule our a neural tumor or adrenal tumor. 

With the exception of headaches, I'm feeling great. As I go into these tests, I'm focusing on humbly opening my hand.