A cool conversation with a man named Charles

Charles, a man in his 80s patiently walks along side his wife, Etsuko, of over 50 years, who suffers with Alzheimer's Disease and Dementia. One minute she is fine, the next she yells or wanders aimlessly out of confusion and he takes her hand and calms her down. He takes multiple trips to and from the car to secure his wife into a senior day care three times a week, where she can have a healthy meal, interact with other seniors suffering with Alzheimer's or Dementia, play games, therapeutic exercises, sing etc. While this day care is a good break for the caregivers or husbands, this man never leaves His wife's side! He is right along side her singing and coloring.

What a sweet picture of devotion!?

I have had the privilege of witnessing this in my two years of working at KWA. About a year ago, I started a conversation with this couple after interviewing them for a series of articles I was working on.

One time, Charles came up to my office looking for where he can find diapers for his wife. At that time, he said to me, "I don't know how, if there's a God, he could allow this kind of pain. It's just terrible to watch a beautiful, smart, strong woman fade to this."

Today (about 9 months later), I was sitting in my car on my lunch break reading a book called Disciple. I was feeling a little sick and trying to rejuvenate. I saw Charles walk by and felt the holy spirit lead me to say hi. I felt a little awkward rolling down my car window and yelling out "HI". I had no idea where this was going. But, Jesus did. 

I asked how him and his wife were doing. He told me Etsuko, his wife of 52 years had recently passed away. The sorrow in that man's eyes was heart wrenching. 

I listened as he shared the story. I can hardly recap this Charles's words of love and  to his devotion to his wife. This man's world, his partner, everything he has known, his reason for living, everything he has loved is gone. If this is all there is, we are just left with devastation...

Is this world IT, is it ALL there is?

Over about 45 minutes, there were three questions that framed our conversation.

1. What do have hope in? Charles said he would like to believe he could see his wife again but doesn't think that's possible.
2. Do you believe in God? Charles said it's hard to believe because there's no proof. He pointed up to the sky. I asked, what do you believe about God? He said he doesn't know because there's not enough facts and we can't see. Then, I was able to share with him the story of creation and Jesus dying on the cross, taking on the wrath of God that we deserved for our sins and giving us the gift of eternal life if we trust in Him. I talked to him about the proof in history and the bible. His heart softened, he was intrigued and said he needed to do his research. He shared that it's just so hard to believe because all the trouble you see in the world. 
3. Have you ever thought that we're responsible for the evil? We talked about the fall of man from our first parent's decision to disobey God when they were deceived by Satan. We talked about why we live in a fallen world, where people do evil things and that we're all sinful. Charles was wresting with all the terrible things that happen to innocent people, especially women and children. We talked about how it's hard to comprehend that stuff. Like, why wouldn't God rescue us from this? Which brought up, again, that Jesus did rescue us and gave those who trust in Him new life. But, we still live in a fallen world. Satan is real. And, people make evil sinful choices. We talked about the hope of heaven and that Jesus is coming again.
4. I asked him if I could share my story with Him. As I shared my testimony of how I started a relationship with Jesus three years ago and why I believe in Him, I told Charles that I remember as a child going through hard times and crying out, how could there be a God if He would allow this? I could relate to Charles earlier questions in that way. I explained to Charles that I've learned that Jesus was always there, I was just "blind" and couldn't see Him. I could only see the hurt and pain. I told Charles that it's been through the biggest trials of my life like my mom dying and me experiencing health complications, that I've grown deeper in my faith and my relationship with Jesus, because now I see beyond the hurt and pain. I was honest with Charles that I really miss my Mom, but I know she is with Jesus, I have hope in heaven and I'm thankful for the way Jesus has used those trials to help me grow deeper in my faith and relationship with Him.  

Did I mention that Charles has a hard time hearing? So, I was literally yelling out the Gospel in the middle of the parking lot, HAHA. I'm sure I looked like a complete freak:).

Charles said, "You are genuine, honest and you make me want to learn more". His eyes lit up and he continued that he is going going to do some reading and think about all the hard questions until we talk again. We said goodbye. I remembered that I had given a little booklet titled Who is God? to a co-worker. I ran up and asked if she was finished. Then, I passed it on to Charles. 

I'm praying for Charles to trust in Jesus. That's what we live for!

Be Content

Be content in all circumstances. 

Ok, that's easy enough. Not. Going on nine months of being sick, and the "be content" thing can get pretty challenging. But, thankfully it's not for Jesus. And, by His Grace He is continually reminding me and empowering me to be content in ALL circumstances. 

One way He reminds me of this is through Paul. Paul says,

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:11-12

Be content in whatever situation, whether hunger, plenty or need. How can this be done? Only through Christ.

After a refreshing conversation with my great friend Kalle Wagner, who has had health complications, I was reminded again to be content. Kalle shared with me a good word that someone shared with her. She said instead of trying to figure it all out and fix everything, what would it look like to just accept them and live? 

Profound. 

What a freedom there is in that? Accept my circumstances and live. (Sigh of relief) I guess it's time to let myself in on a little secret, I cannot fix this. It is not up to me. It may never be "fixed". And, that's OK. To try and figure it out and be anxious about it is wasted energy. Philippians 4:6 says do not be anxious about ANYTHING. Nada, zilch, zero. 

So, what was my first response when I got a call from my doctor this afternoon telling me that to try and treat my non-functioning gall bladder, they are putting me on a one month treatment and if it doesn't work, they are going to surgically remove the gall bladder, which gives me a 60/40 chance of getting better? Hm, well, I got a little anxious at first. But, after remembering to abide in Jesus, I'm actually feeling thankful. I'm thankful to know that God is sovereign over all. I'm thankful that my doctors are giving everything a chance before pulling out my organ. And, I'm thankful that Jesus is teaching me how to be content in all circumstances and that I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me.

Sorrowful, meet rejoicing

What trial are you in right now and how do you feel about it? 

This was such a refreshing question I came upon this morning as I was listening to a sermon called "trial and Jesus" from Spring of 2009 by Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church. "Give yourself permission to feel," Pastor Driscoll, said.  This was a good reminder for me. I'm one who will hide behind scripture like fig leaves, as Adam and Eve did. That can easily become denial and lead to a fake face. Rejoicing doesn't mean not feeling. As the below scripture indicates, when you're in trial, it's OK to grieve. I have to remind myself of this.

"In this you REJOICE, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been GRIEVED by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." -1 Peter 1:6-7.

So, grieving but rejoicing, how does that work?

Shortly after my mom died in 2010, I kept coming across the verse "as sorrowful, yet, always rejoicing" -2 Corinthians 6:10. I remember really wrestling with this, how can be sorrowful AND rejoice? It felt like some days were filled with just sorrow and others, just rejoicing. I couldn't find the balance and relationship between the two. Sorrow and rejoice were separate for me. Yet, scripture describes them in relationship with each other "sorrowful, yet ALWAYS rejoicing". Overtime, as I allowed these two to separate more and more, I found myself either not thinking about my mom or, focusing just on good memories and when I started to feel sorrow, I would try to escape it with the memories or hide behind scripture to avoid feeling the sorrow. I was seeking to rejoice in circumstances, rather than in God.

And, now, we meet again. Good ol sorrow and rejoice. 

Two years later and I'm still wresting with sorrowful and rejoicing. But, the more unpack it, the more I find peace in my circumstances by rejoicing in God.

Life is full of trial and it's OK to be grieved. "Jesus doesn't fix everything but he walks with us through it, said Driscoll." Also, it's important to remember we have a God who knows, understands and has felt our trials.

In walking through this health trial, sometimes I find myself doing the same thing I did with grieving. The danger in separating sorrowful and rejoicing is first, denial, second, not being honest or letting people in on our suffering, third, turning a trial into self pity instead of a time to rejoice or fourth, a temporary rejoicing in circumstances. Let me unpack this. 

Give yourself permission to feel. Any numbing agent will eventually wear off. The mask won't fit forever. Be authentic. Ask yourself, how do I feel about this current trial? Be honest with your community and let people in to walk through it with you. Remember that without rejoicing, sorrow, becomes self pity. Don't seek to just rejoice in the circumstance. For example, It's not bad to rejoice in good days when I don't feel sick, I should rejoice in that. It's not bad to rejoice in good memories with my mom. I should also rejoice in that as well. But, the everlasting kind of rejoicing where it can meet sorrow right in the middle is rejoicing in Jesus, rejoicing in heaven, rejoicing in Hope, rejoicing that it was finished on the cross, rejoicing that though we are tested by fire, our faith is being refined as more precious than gold. 

REJOICE, not in circumstance, REJOICE in Jesus. That is where sorrow and rejoice meet. 

As Paul says in the above verse, "You have been grieved by various trials". So, grieved is how we feel, so what do we DO? "In this you rejoice," But, how? 

With praise, glory, honor, rejoice with joy (not faking, avoiding, escaping or pretending), not in your circumstances but rejoice in God because that which is most important to you has been given to you as a gift.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 6:23.

But, why do we rejoice, even in trial?

1. because God's mercy. 
2. because we've been born again and given new life.
3. for a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
4. because we have an inheritance that is nonperishable, unfailing and undefiled. If you respond rightly in trial, you are storing up treasures in heaven. 
5. because home is kept in heaven. And, our Salvation is secured and guarded by God. 
6. because our trial is just for "little while".  
7. because trial purifies our faith. Like gold, when heated impurities rise to the top which purifies and refines the gold. Sanctification is what happens after the heat of trial exposes the impurity of our life to make our faith more precious and more pure.

Rejoice in the results of the trial. 

 

Some material from: http://marshill.com/media/trial/trial-and-jesus#scripture

Praise and Prayer

A few weeks ago my husband asked me, "what is your dream day"? I love questions like this.

Without planning or really realizing that we were creating this day, this past weekend, we had a dream day! On Saturday morning, we let our bodies naturally wake up. Okay, Okay, I let my body naturally wake up the the glare of the beautiful sun in our window and then eagerly woke my husband like it was Christmas morning. If I would have let the boy sleep, he would have the entire day:). 

We enjoyed a restful morning in our new home with our favorite Sleeping Monk coffee and playing with our dog in the yard. Then, got ready for a little adventure. We packed up bikes and headed up to Woodenville Wine Country, where we did wine tasting, sat on the lawn for lunch and went bike riding along the river. I see why we used to ride bikes so much as kids. Why did we ever stop? We had such a great time and laughed, a lot! We polished the day by making a great meal with crab legs, fish, sweet potatoes, zucchini and corn on the cob.

All together, from start to finish, it was an awesome day! I felt so blessed to have this time with my husband.

It felt like the Lord new we needed that day and gave it to us as a gift. In our season of engagement, a wise pastor advised Garrett and I to commit to the first year of our marriage as our ministry and to really spend time investing in each other with face to face time. Of course, He acknowledged that this is a lifelong thing but very important focus to have in our first year building the groundwork for our ministry of marriage. We are continually learning more about what this looks like to balance time with the Lord, each other, our community, our families, in service and work. 

My praise is for great time with my husband and Jesus meeting us right where we are, "For such a time as this..."

My prayer is for our eyes to remain steadfastly to Christ and our ears to listen to Him as we endure health trials. This week I had an endoscopy. The doc took some biopsies but at first sight, everything in the stomach looked good. Next week, I'll have a HIDA test to look at my gallbladder. The location of the right side abdominal pain paired with movement of sharp pains to the lower back and upper shoulder blade, nauseousness, an elevated liver count and digestive complications has the doctor concerned about the gallbladder. 

"And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your teacher." Isaiah 30:20