It's nothing fancy. Just simple. A special space that holds letters to my daughter, milestones and my heart as I walked through years of health trials. And a huge gap of time that I stopped writing. Seven years later, those health trials still flare up. And, quite frankly got really hard this winter. The Lord brought me back to this blog and is using my own writing and His truths from years ago to speak to me now.
How comforting it is to know that we have a God who is in control, who is sovereign over everything, who pursues us, who meets us right where we are and who loves us with a never stopping, never giving up, un-breaking, always and forever love.
When you think about that, I mean REALLY think about that, it makes you wonder why do we ever worry? Why do we feel the need to prove? To find our identity in something other than who He says we are - His beloved, to seek from people or things what we can only get from God? Do we truly know how loved we are and that we have everything we need in Jesus?
Honestly, I don't think I know how loved I am by God on a cellular level in my innermost being. Maybe on some level I think if He really loved me that much, would't he remove these health trials completely?
I hate to even confess that. I kind of struggled typing the words. Really, how can I doubt His love for me? I think of my love as a parent to my kids. It is an un-breaking, always and forever love to the very depths of my heart and soul. I've never experienced anything like it and yet His love for us is so much more. There are things my kids go through that I know are painful or hard in their little toddler brains, but from my vantage point as a parent, I know it will refine or strengthen them.
And then, there are bigger things that I wish I could take from them. But, I have watched how Jesus has used those things to produce character in them and a love for Himself. Yes, even in a five and two year-old. I watched the bravery and empathy that was produced in my Bella as she battled asthma. Recently, she saw my blood pressure monitor out and she asked "mom, how are you feeling? Can I pray for you?" and she did. Then, walked away singing a song about trusting Jesus. This girl's empathy, love and trust in Jesus is no joke and it's contagious. He uses all things!
If I as a parent can see those things, how much more than can our Father in heaven see those things for us?
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
I might still have my "thorn" like Paul or my "limp" like Jacob, but it is that very thorn or limp that is showing me just how loved I am.
I kid you not - as I am writing this, this song started playing:
"nobody loves me like you love me Jesus. I stand in awe of your amazing ways. I worship you as long as I am breathing. God you are faithful and true. Nobody loves me like you."
I think I will end here for now. I don't know the purpose of this blog - maybe a space for my kids someday to read my writing, maybe to encourage someone or maybe to turn into a book one day. But, what I do know is that "He uses all things for the good and purpose of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28) and He is using my trials to let me experience the depth of His love and share it with others through writing.
"So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19
Thank you for sharing yourself with us. Your vulnerability encourages us as we watch God's work in and through you.
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