nearing nine months!

hi baby girl! 

 

i'm listening to the ocean waves feeling the warmth of the sun & thinking about all the fun things there are to document about you nearing nine months. we are in cannon beach for the stormy weather art festival. but, the weather isn't stormy, it's gorgeous! sunny blue sky's and crisp fall air.

did I mention that it's November?beautiful weather at the beach in November... we are so blessed!

this is your third time to cannon beach. it's so fun watching you grow & explore more and more each time we are here.

tomorrow, you will be nine months! It's crazy to think how fast these nine months have gone. you've brought so much joy & make our cups overflow! 

yesterday, you and I had one of those moments I wish I could relive over & over! you were nursing after your nap. then, you started to say "na na na". I repeated you, you looked at me laughed and gave me hugs and kisses. i love the way you put your hands on my face. then, we babbled back and forth. every time i'd say "na na" and act like I was going to scare you, you'd start laughing so hard. we rolled around laughing together for about five minutes. so sweet! 

grandma Jo & grandpa Mitch have spoiled us. the past couple days have been filled with walks on the beach, playtimes, your first time to dinner at a restaurant for pizza, a coffee date & a girl's lunch out. you did great! you liked dangling your feet in the highchair and looking at all the people. you waved & made friends. 

you and your cousin Brooklyn are so cute together. you started taking baths together. brooky likes to sit & splash and you like to stand up. when you play together, it's so cute the way brooky watches what you do & the way you two reach for each other. 

you've started saying "ya" a lot. sometimes it's at really appropriate times, like yesterday with grandma Jo said "do you guys want to walk to town?" then, you said "ya" and we all laughed. 

today, you started taking a liking to crawling on your hands & knees. you've mainly been doing the army crawl & on your hands and knees here and there. you stared the army crawl at six months.  

one of my favorite things is the way you "dance" (rock back and forth) when there's music playing. you really started doing this when we got to the beach and grandma played an old mcdonald song on her iPad. 

you love doggies! everytime Abbie (grandma & grandpas dog) walks by you, you get so excited & crawl after her. 

you enjoy the beach more and more everytime we are here. it's so fun to watch you explore and play in the sand. 

every moment with you is such a gift. you bring so many smiles, so much joy & laughter. I will never stop thanking Jesus for the blessing that you are! 

we love you baby girl! 

Xoxo

this was at sunset the first night we got here

you and cousin Brooklyn getting ready for  a bath

you just made me lol

i love laughing with you! seriously, it. is. the best! we just had so much fun together, it inspired me to write down a few of my favorite things. at this stage that is... almost eight months, I can't believe it.   here goes --

• if I'm laughing, you're laughing 
• you think I'm funny. you actually laugh at all the silly things I do and the goofy sounds I make. 
• you've started this thing when you're laying on my chest where you grab my face, open your mouth for a big kiss and then try to eat my nose! 
• who says meal time has to be all about the food? we giggle our way through eating. especially when I get really close to your face and smile or make a silly sound. 
• the baby rap, at least that's what grandma Mary calls it. its when you make noise with your mouth when bringing your hand, or in your case, fist, off and on your mouth. 
• you copy me when I make sounds or do the baby rap 
• the way you look at me - you know I'm your mama & you trust me. 
• when you get on all fours to crawl and lift one hand like you're waving & I say "hi Bella", it makes you smile every time. 
• when you fall down crawling and do the swimming move or baby plank and get right back up to try again 
• when daddy gets home from work and you light up with a huge smile 
• the way daddy makes you laugh by blowing on your tummy, being silly or scaring you 
• the way you tighten up in my arms when you get so excited and start to kick and laugh. like, every morning when tanker follows us down the stairs. 
• the way your little hands reach for everything and how you think it's funny to put them in my mouth 
• how you love books! and, insist on flipping the pages by yourself. and, the way you talk to the pages or try to kiss the people or animals on them. 
• how much you love animals 
• the way you smile at your favorite stuffed animal friends like Abby cadabby 
• how you love to be around people and smile when someone gets to the door 
• the way you cuddle in my arms if you're not feeling well 
• your determination - if you want to reach something, you work so hard to get it.  
• you love your family. it's so sweet to see you with your grandparents, aunts & uncles and cousins.

you have brought so much JOY to our lives! you are auch a gift baby girl. 

"for every good and perfect gift comes from above" James 1:17

legacy & labor

hi baby girl. [that's what my mom called me. i guess it seamed natural to write that to you:]

mama here. wow - seeing that in writing is something else. it's still hard to believe that i get to be your mom. that you are my daughter. i thank Jesus everyday. truly!

you're seven months now. i can hardly believe it. you are growing so fast. every moment with you is so special. it's such a gift. and, i want to document it. i want a place where we can both look back and relive some of the moments. i want a place where you can go someday when you're a mama and hear from me about your childhood.

you see - my mama, your grandma connie passed away before you could meet her. oh how badly i wish you could know her & feel her nurturing embrace. i wish so badly that i had her here to share this incredible journey with. she taught me so much. and, i want to keep her legacy alive by sharing those things with you. 

now that i'm a mama, there are so many days when i want to pick up the phone to call my mom and ask her questions about me as a baby. her thoughts. her dreams for me. or my stages of development. i don't have a baby book or anything to look at where i can read her writing and hear her heart. that's something i want for you. i want you to always have a place where you can see and hear about all the cherished moments of your childhood. 

so let's start from the beginning of you entering this world - your birth! 

on february 8, 2014 at 3 am, i woke up with pretty consistent contractions. the snow was falling outside. and, i just had a feeling you were coming soon. your due date was Feb. 9. the pain wasn't very intense. but, consistent. it was a saturday. your daddy was going to go into work for a couple hours to finish a project. at about 6 am, i told him "i think i'm going into labor today. better make it a quick trip to the office." he did & was back in no time. 

we had plans to go to lunch with papa steve. i told him he better just come over to the house because i was having contractions. so he came over and we ordered lunch from the Ram (papa's treat of course-always!). 

i was keeping our doula, beth, updated. by about 3 pm, she decided it was time to come over. we went labor walking outside. by the time we finished, contractions really started picking up. we went upstairs so i could labor in the bath. just in time for the snowfall to pick up. it was like a dream. laboring in the bath, watching the snow, candle lit and worship music playing. i thought this can't be labor? ummm well, let's just say i was right. it was a little too good to be true. 

we kept dr. taggart updated. by about 6 pm, he suggested we go to the hospital. of course, your papa made it there before we did. the snow had really picked up. they were calling it a late winter snowstorm. of course you'd come during a snowstorm. after all, your daddy did too! 

so there we were on a snowy winter night pulling up to good samaritan hospital in puyallup. as ready as you were to come out, i wasn't dilating fast enough. so we did some labor walking at the hospital. i still wasn't progressing enough so we came home to labor.

because the snowstorm was so bad & not everyone's vehicles were safe enough to drive in the snow, everyone at the hospital with us came back to the house with us. it was your daddy, papa steve, grandma jo, auntie erin (who took photos of your birth) and beth (our doula). it was a labor slumber party!

i went back to labor in the bath. i spent a long time in there. and, as it got later, eventually transferred the bed and back and forth to the medicine ball. i labored all. night. long! with contractions every five minutes. your daddy, erin & beth all took turns helping me manage the contractions. it was a long night for everyone. thank jesus we had the best team by our side.

finally, by about 5 am, i started leaking some fluid and the pain was pretty intense. erin shot a text to dr. t and he said get to the hospital. it was a total home alone moment. someone made the announcement that it was time to go and we all grabbed everything and rushed out of the house.

it was the most beautiful snowy day! and, it was your due date.we got all checked into the hospital. our room had huge windows overlooking the snowy valley. dr. t came in to check on us and let us know he was praying for us, heading to church and would be back later. i thought how much later could it be?

well, baby girl, it was a long day! from the bath. to the bed. to the medicine ball. back to the bath. again and again. i labored all day long with intense contractions. i'll let some of the pictures tell the story. thank you auntie erin for capturing this most incredible day. and, thank you beth for being the best doula ever!

we spent a lot of time in the bath! 

daddy was such a great coach!

i made a labor play list with lots of great worship songs! but, by hour 20 i was so done with that playlist.  then, we tried the "lullaby" pandora music because it has nice calm music. but, when the soundtrack songs came on, it drove me nuts.

labor lemonade from beth! and, freshly painted toes of course, from grandma jo. 

checking stats

still smiling :)

the day got longer and the contractions got more and more intense.

dr t called and asked if he had enough time to go on a run. your dr has quite a personality. and, turns out he did have enough time.

but, then ... they did one last check and it was time for your mama to start pushing. you were ready and so was i. i pushed for two long hours. by that time, i had been in labor almost 40 hours (the first 12 were really light contractions). all i could keep thinking was how close i was to seeing your sweet face. by this time, i was so exhausted and had been in lots of pain for so many hours. what kept me going was saying scripture in my head and out loud "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". i had on my heart to go through labor naturally without any pain medication. later, our dr told us it was a good thing i did because he would have had to take me back for a cesarian hours ago if i had the epidural. my pelvis was very narrow and i wouldn't have been able to push you down the birth canal if i was numb.

 finally, at 7:10 pm, the most miraculous thing happened, you entered this world. i can hardly describe the overwhelming and unbelievable joy felt in the moment that you were placed on my chest. you reached up and held your head up straight out of the womb. you were perfect. i was beginning to understand God's love for us on a completely new level. my heart was so full. and, here are some pictures to tell the story of those first few moments.

i remember having a hard time focusing on your face because mine was so swollen from all the pushing. and, the long hours of labor took their toll. but, i could see how beautiful you were and how much you looked like your daddy :-). the most incredible gift God had given us was here. it was surreal. i'll never forget the look on your daddy's face. he was utterly amazed, so in love and so proud.

daddy praying over us

daddy's first time holding you

washing your little tooshie & head because you pooped a little on mama

we have the best doctor!

"my work here is done" - dr. t

you latched onto nursing right away. it's incredible how you knew just what to do. God made our bodies so intricately. i felt so grateful to be able to nurse and provide you nourishment in that way. it's a beautiful thing.

papa steve was first to come meet you. followed right behind by grandma jo. those two were with us and in the waiting room for over 24 hours. then, came your gpa curt, gg, auntie chicky, auntie emmy and uncle jordan. they were all so amazed by you & kept saying how beautiful and perfect you were.

it had been a long day so some of your family had left the hospital by the time you got here. so the next week and even month, were met with many many family visits from so many people who love you!

and, there we were, our little family of three staying our first night together.

His Grace is Sufficient for Me

Wow.

Overwhelmed. You can say that.
Grateful. Everyday.
Amazed. Absolutely.
Faith. Full of it.

Sooo, we're pregnant!!! Our miracle bundle of joy is expected to arrive February 9, 2013. We are so thrilled, to say the least.

 

But, the story doesn't begin there.

Just like we can't just celebrate Jesus rising on Easter Sunday without reflecting what He did on the cross, we can't just rejoice in our pregnancy without acknowledging what Jesus has done to bring us the gift of this miracle baby.

We have had a few years of trials - taking up our cross and following Jesus. We have walked through some trenches. It's been hard. Really hard. Sept. 30, 2011 marked the beginning of some of my health trials. I'll never forget that day. I'll never forget the pain I felt. I'll never forget the trips in and out of the ER, doctors visits, dozens of tests, medications, surgery... But, more than that, I'll never forget that Jesus was and is ALWAYS with me. He never left my side. He was in the midst of it all. And, I can honestly say,

"His Grace is sufficient for me."

Though I was suffering physically, and many times, I asked God to take it from me, my relationship with Jesus only deepened and my faith only increased.

Post gall bladder surgery (July 2012), we thought my body was healed. Though my overall condition improved, I was still suffering with occasional seizures and digestive issues. I had really hard days. Then, really good days and even weeks. More tests. More doctors visits. No answers. A lot of prayer. 

In April, 2013, I felt the sudden urge to take a pregnancy test. I remember my husband laughing like how could it be... 

You see - where our hearts were at the time were we really wanted to raise a family. We were SO excited to become parents. But, we wanted my health to be well before we tried and we wanted clearance from our doctor. A couple months before this, I had a doctor's visit. And, at the time, my health was doing pretty well. I asked the doctor if he gave me medical clearance. He said Yes. He saw no reason why he wouldn't give the ok. But, with a couple health setbacks after that apt, Garrett and I didn't feel comfortable yet. 

On Saturday, April 6, 2013, we experienced sweetest surprise and the greatest gift, a positive pregnancy test. We were ecstatic. It was a dream come true. I was so in love with our little one to the very depths of my soul. The JOY and anticipation we felt was unexplainable. Our Baby was due December 9, 2013. 

On Monday, April 29, we were told the devastating words "there is no heartbeat". I burst into TEARS... It was the only response I had. There are just no words.  

The week drug on with constant reminders that our baby was no longer with us. The pains of child bearing are one thing when you get to hold your baby in the end. But, this was just terrible. Our hope remained in knowing our baby was with Jesus. And, in countless ways, The Lord showed us He was with us.

They monitored my HCG levels down to 0 to make sure nothing was left. The last HCG test I had was a 5, anything 5 and below means not pregnant. 

There we were - from the fullness of joy that comes with a positive pregnancy test to sorrow and grief. We clung to Jesus and each other. It was all we could do. 

And, then, I had that random urge once again to take a pregnancy test. Garrett said "there's no way..." 

It was positive!? I sent my Dr. T a message asking if this could be remaining hormones. He said most likely. Yes. But, then as we talked - we realized that my hormones two weeks ago had been down to a 5 (meaning not pregnant). There was no way a pregnancy test was picking that up. 

So, he brought me in for an HCG test. Meanwhile, my bible study was in my home and prayed without ceasing for us. 

Results came back - it jumped up to 260, then, two days later, 991. We were clearly pregnant! 

All the doctors were and are shocked. They have never seen someone get pregnant so soon. Dr. T says he's never seen anything like this. He says,

"There is no way to explain this. It is a complete act of God." 

We started getting monitored at four weeks along. That's when our Dr. found a subchronic hemorrhage. In other words, a blood clot, twice the size of the pregnancy sac. This put us at high risk. They call it a "threatened miscarriage". 

We were monitored closely and I was put on rest. We and all those around us prayed like crazy for our little one. 

At our eight week appointment, my heart was lifted when we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time and we were told that the blood clot was almost gone and no longer a concern. My Dr. said 

"Baby looks great. You are no longer high risk. You look great." You can imagine the shouts of acclamation then!!!

I later heard my doctor and the other doctors talking about what a miracle it is that we are pregnant and that our baby survived that clot. 

"complete act of God" is what they keep saying. 

Here we are, 16 weeks along, healthy baby, healthy Moma and SO INCREDIBLY grateful for our miracle baby from the Lord!

Oh and my health - It's never been better. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't struggled with any health complications. I feel great! I remember a while ago, my Dr. John made a remark that some women who suffer with health complications are healed through pregnancy because of all the healthy hormones. And, when I found out we were pregnant, Dr. John prayed with me over the phone "Lord, we know you know just what Sabrina's body and this baby needs".    

I don't know why we have to endure the things we do. But, I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change the deepening of my relationship with Christ. I wouldn't change the increase in my faith. I wouldn't change the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus. With Jesus, NOTHING is wasted. He never leaves us or forsakes us. And,  

"His Grace is sufficient for me." 

Dare to live without answers — because God gives His hand

It has been way too long since I've taken the time to write a blog post. So, here we go...

Last Friday, I spoke with Dr. John A. Catanzaro, President and Founder of Health & Wellness Institute. He has been such a blessing to me. Seriously amazed by the ways God has loved me through a doctor who really cares. And, prays. Yes, he prays with me. Pretty awesome! Right?

In our conversation, Dr. John suggested some detailed testing to determine if I have a bacterial infection leading to a neurotoxin production where a byproduct is produced and puts off a toxic reaction. The organisms can travel to the liver and kidneys. This can even lead to migraines and seizure activity. Fascinating!  

For those of you who have been walking faithfully alongside me with my health complications, like me sometimes, I'm sure you're asking "what in the world?" "can't they figure this out all ready?". Seizures, migraines, a parasite, malnourishment, candida, gut dysbiosis, kidney infection, chronically infected gall bladder...when is it going to end? What's the answer to all of this?

While there have been many discoveries along the way, I still don't have an "answer". But, I have a new direction. And, 

I'm daring to live without answers-because God gives me His hand. 

It's been a lonnng journey. Almost three years now of physical suffering. Coming from the eternal optimist and girl who hardly takes the rose colored glasses off, I'll tell ya, it's been so hard. really hard. oh the times I've so badly wanted to scream or just break down and cry my heart out. I have done that. But, It's a rare occurrence. Truthfully, I probably should a little more. Isn't that apart of walking through the fire and not around it? We have to feel it. The times that I have cried out to God, He meets me right there.  

Right there in that broken place, God gives me His hand. 

Through a friend, who randomly decides to stop by with dinner and flowers.

On a morning when I'm hurting, face down in my bible asking God for an answer, and silence. complete silence. He comforts me through my husband. I ask for an answer. He gives me His hand. Later, we walk into a sermon to a woman sharing her testimony of when the doctors told her she wasn't going to live, the complications she's faced and the miraculous healing God has done. Then, the message continued Ephesians 3:1-13 "enduring affliction". Great sermon, if you're interested, check out the link below. 

http://marshill.com/media/who-do-you-think-you-are/i-am-afflicted. 

I knew it was coming. I knew the answer was coming. Wait for it... "do not loose heart". Exactly what I needed to hear.

A night when I randomly reading 2 Corinthians and God speaks to me through Paul's writings about His thorn, how he pleaded with the Lord three times that the thorn would leave him and, Jesus says:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Like Paul, I have a thorn. And, like Paul, I have learned to boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness. 

A time when I ask God what scripture to turn to, He tells me Job. Again, I see that God is sovereign. I trust His goodness. He is my rock and delight. My joy is everlasting in Him, despite circumstances. And, My faith is indestructible in tribulation! 

You see - with God, nothing is wasted. For that, I'm thankful. For His sacrifice, I'm thankful. For the hope of eternity, I'm thankful. For the everlasting JOY in a loving Father, despite circumstances, I'm thankful. For knowing that He, is always with me and will never forsake me, I'm thankful. For the hope that He will heal me, I'm thankful.

I will not loose heart. I will not stop praying for healing without ceasing.  

And, I will dare to live without answers - because God gives me His hand. 

Decisions, decisions, decisions

 This way. that way. did I choose the right way?

^"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."-Isaiah 30:21

Is it really that simple?

You might-like me-think you've gone deaf because you can't hear "this is the way". If we're not staying close enough to our Father's voice, we might not hear it.

Today, I turned to a sticky not I've had on my desk for over a year and there it is...

Jesus voice is in His word. And in His word it says to commit whatever I do to the Lord, and my plans will succeed.

Phew. ok. so, it's not about making a "right" or "wrong" decision.  The question is where is my heart? Am I committing my ways to the Lord? Am I relying on Him or turning to comfort?

In a season of some big decision making, Jesus met me through one of my favorite author's, Ann Voskamp's, blog, a Holy Experience (http://www.aholyexperience.com). Below is some of the text that really spoke to me quoted from her blog.


Am I making any of the right decisions?
I’ve never been here before — so how do I know the way?

You’ve only got one blink of a life to make count for eternity.

It’s only your own sacrifices that show up at your funeral.

Am I making any of the right ones?
When are your sacrifices really just about lining your own nest? What road, what career, what part of the world and is it okay to stay here or is it okay to go and is that even the right question?--
Will I someday be standing with scars to give account before Him that I wasn’t about my own comfort but Christ’s call, that I didn’t make my life about safe living but about dangerous dying, that I didn’t escape into a neat, saved American dream but into a messy, mission-driven God-sized demand.

"Your Dad will call you– and if you can’t hear him? You’re not where you are meant to be.“ Your Father calls you.
And if you can’t hear Him?
Am I making the right decisions?

We want clarity — and God gives a call. We want a road map — and God gives a relationship. We want answers — and God gives His hand.

The whole room, it’s still quiet and holy full and God singularly calls you and a call from God is about relationship and a call is something one keeps listening for — come this way, come to the land I will show you. God didn’t give Abraham a map — He gave Abraham a relationship. He doesn’t want you to lean on a guidebook. God wants you to lean on the Guide — who speaks to you through His Book. Why would God give a map — when He wants to give you Himself?

A career is about the guidebook and a calling is about leaning on the Guide who speaks to you through His Book. A career is about making a plan and a calling is about trusting a Person who changes the plan.  Grace, that careers can fall way to callings.

The call that thing one keeps listening for and the heart of faith is the ear.
This is the way for you — not her way, not their way — but My Way for You.  
I have to stay close enough to the Word to hear my Father’s voice.

Drop the but & get real.

Internalizing hardship will break you. 

We all face trials. But, how do we face them? Do we cover them up? Do we get religious?

I have a confession to make - I've done both. I didn't realize the religious one until last Sunday when our pastor taught on Esther 4. It hit me - I've been religious by trying to add a "but" line of encouragement when someone asks how are you feeling? 

(  ): How are you feeling since the gall bladder surgery? 
Me: Today was a challenging day, but, I know Jesus is using it to teach me perseverance.

Do you see how I use that but line to avoid getting to deep or burdening the person with to much information and to leave the conversation on a good note?

I'm honest in my answer, BUT, there's always a but line, where I have to had something uplifting. Sometimes, it's ok not to have the but line. Sometimes, it's just a hard day, and that's ok. 

Jesus had a 'but line'. It wasn't a religious but of "how can I leave this on a positive note and not burden this person" or "how can I keep this at a surface level without going to deep". It was a sorrowful and submissive prayer to the father BUT, AS YOU WILL. Period. 

Mathew 26:28 says that Jesus told his disciples that his soul was very sorrowful, even to death. Then, He fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will but as you will."  

I need to learn from Jesus...
He got REAL with His disciples.
He cried out to His Father in prayer.
He accepted the Father's will for Him. 

The but is to acknowledge that GOD IS SOVEREIGN. 

Oh, how I've miss used the but.

My heart is genuine. I really am thankful. I want to give praise to Jesus. And, I really do feel that I don't have grounds to complain when I have so much to be thankful for. 

The problem is - sometimes, we (I) just need to get real. All the way real. Just like Jesus did. Otherwise, we don't let people in, we internalize the hardship and miss out on authentic relationships.

I've relearned this so many times. Like, last night, when I cried to my husband about how frustrating it can be to wake up with random symptoms not knowing what's going on in my body or why. Is it things working their way out from the chronically infected gallbladder or is it something else? WHY??? I think I'm better. I feel great. Then, all of a sudden out of nowhere, bam, a kidney stone, or stomach pains, a swollen lymph node, or, or, or. And, sometimes, It drives me crazy to tell people. Because I'm prideful and I don't want to be that girl who talks about health complications. I want to be the uplifting and encouraging one. Reality check-it's not about me. 

In Esther 4: 2, it says "He (Mordecai) went up to the entrance of the king’s gate, for no one was allowed to enter the king’s gate clothed in sackcloth.” You can’t be sad before the king. The king only wants good news, not bad news. “Tell me all the victories, not the defeats.”

Don't we do that? I do. Sometimes, I just want to share the victories. If we're only sharing the victories, we're missing the point...
"Whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." -Mathew 10:38-39

It was so refreshing to be real with Garrett about these feelings, pray together and genuinely land at not my will, Jesus, but yours.

There is more joy is saying "not my Will but yours" than understanding the Why because it acknowldeges that God is sovereign and I'm not in control.

So, here's my challenge for you-

Try it. Next time someone asks "How are you doing?", give them a REAL answer. Ok, maybe not the grocery store clerk, I don't think they or the people waiting in line really want to know, haha.

It's interesting, people don't expect a real answer. As Pastor Mark Driscol so aptly stated:

In the west, particularly men, we don’t grieve well. Right? We don’t. In the Bible, it’s a more eastern than a western culture, particularly in the Old Testament. When something bad happens, they let you know, right? They change their clothes, they put ashes on their head, they go out in public, they scream, and cry, and wail. The Psalms, the majority of which are psalms of lament, are words of song and prayer for God’s people to express their grief, and their sadness, and their hardship.
 
We don’t do that, right? I mean, here’s how we do it in the west: “How are you?” “Fine. How are you?” “Fine.” “We’re both fine. Great. Have a nice life.” And then we each go a separate direction. Meanwhile, he’s getting divorced and she’s got cancer, and they’re “fine.” They’re not fine.

Let's get real. Let's have authentic relationships. Who are those people that you have in your life that you can have authentic and honest conversations with? Who are those people that when you give a surface answer, they love you enough to dig a little deeper?

Then, let our only buts be "but as you will".